The year is whenever. Your goal: escape down the Chesapeake Bay. The problem: Baltimore is a vortex, hon, and it does not want you to leave. Dodge crab bites, potholes, boots on Charles Street, and the eternal wait for the Light Rail.

Manage your crab cakes, gas, Old Bay, and morale. Make it 200 miles to the open bay before you run out of health. Good luck.